


Delicate Brown Eyes

by GayNoctis



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dreams vs. Reality, Jealous Ryan, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Panic!, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:47:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7198637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayNoctis/pseuds/GayNoctis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan and Brendon say their goodbyes in the memories of their love from 2008. And the aftermath of it all is a game to Brendon, Ryan's lost and in deep in his own feelings for what he remembers in those memories that slipped away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Delicate Brown Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I did this at 3am alright im dying

The gust of the wind blows in the empty and cold autumn. Grey skies against puddles of water, quieter afternoons with the silence of our breathes.

I hold his hand as he trembles away, slowly but surely realizing that none of this was real. A dream, or a nightmare that is to say?

His breathes hitch as I caress his soft, pale cheeks that were so tender to hold like a diamond in the ring.

I murmur to him.

"I can only stay for a moment of your memories, Brendon. You shouldn't let me stay for so long. Why do you do so?"

I'm lost by his delicacy, his fragile eyes that were deep with sincerity and sentimentality yet glazed over with a mask that I can't detach if I were real. I am only a fragment of the past just as he is, memories in a home that stands in his mind.

A house of memories. A funny thing to say, but that is what it is. He is the boy I love so dearly, the fucking things we had done still burn like fire against the wood.

He looks at me, his soft brown eyes delicate and full of pure love and adoration.

With tears in his eyes, he spoke so soft and defeated. My heart ached for him, he was clearly upset and I could not know why. I don't know why, we are just the same boys we were in 2007. What is the difference?

"I loved you, I love you. Ryan, If all of this is a dream, then why aren't you here with me? Settling down in Seattle, was what we meant and I can't see you in here anymore. I'm blind to these memories, you were wrong to leave me in the band alone, I was right to know that you would leave."

Haunting words that I couldn't comprehend, this seems too new to be true. We were mere memories yet he speaks the truth, I stand alone.

I laugh softly,"Brendon, what are you talking about? I'm here with you till the end, we are still going to settle in Seattle. Unless..."

And in that moment I felt it, the sudden realization that he was a new person yet the same as me. But no in fact I was the memory and he was the truth. The cold, hard damned truth in contrast to the young, fond memories.

Brendon eyed me warily, there was something in his eyes that shook me inside like a hurricane I felt crashed in and pulled apart. Like a doll I felt used and slowly I feel the pain of the truth creeping inside my skull.

The empty city stands so eerie when we sit alone, now I feel my body aching and twisting with hurt and a sudden harsh emptiness.

My cold hands grab his own, I feel his warmth against my cold fingers. I glance up at him to see if he knows what I know, he does. He already knew and my own naivety made me so lost. Lost in this dream whereas he visits for his own feelings of irrationality.

I smell the air and it reaks of death, the flowers around us dull and so weak. Cracked and shattered glass surrounds the city and the empty buildings full of black shadows and it was all so rapid to change as we sat.

He whispers,"I never meant to lie to the truth, I never wanted us to be so far away. Ryan, this is a dream I can only do when my fear is gone, the fucked up words I've said to you in the past. I'm struggling to be happy when you're not with me, the grey skies haunt me when I dream and live. And I'm sorry for what I have to say, I need to go. And when I return you won't be the same just as I am today. You'll be the same as me, a memory that has changed and the moment you return here with me, you won't want to stay. And I can only hope you don't hate me or avoid me as you do today."

Brendon's voice cracks near the end, his eyes so sad and sincere. With tears in his eyes he asks me to stay, I know in my heart that I need to stay. I want to stay but there was a new boy coming after me, only I can decide what to do.

He presses a small kiss to my cheek, and the world was crashing and fading so white and empty of color. I hug his slim chest, hold him close and tight. It was the last time we would be the same, small boys with the love and naivety of our woes and cries.

And I felt him fade, grow colder and slip away from my grasp. I felt lighter and free, I couldn't see him nor a thinf in sight. And I felt the rush of a new world, the world he so mentioned that was the truth.

Oh, memories how I'll never lose even as this time is gone, I hold it near my heart.

His ghost haunts me as I wake up to the bright sun in the L.A morning. It was just a dream.

Yet I knew it wasn't. And I felt so alone in that moment, he wasn't with me, nor kissing my skin and smiling so bright.

I look in the mirror, stumbling each step I take. My feet feel the warmth of the heat, I never felt so real again.

And my face looks older and yet still soft as the boy I was once. The sun shines and the heartache slips in and I crash. I fall towards the ground, I cry so quickly just as I sink into hugging my own legs. I've never felt alone in a place I called home.

I cry and I cry. Swift and wet tears fall against my skin, I tremble and take heavy breathes.

I hear the sound of the vibration of a phone, I stop momentarily, I pick myself up and grab the phone off the silver counter.

I answer it, with my eyes red and puffy, the rasping of my cries.

"Hello? Who's calling?" My voice cracks and I know how weak I must sound.

And I hear his breathe, I already know just as I hold my breathe in.

Brendon laughs,"Fucker it's me, Spencer's been worrying about you, he wanted me to call. So I did, now either you get your ass here in the studio or I come and get you. Anyways I gotta go now, Sarah needs me."

I barely said a thing, yet hearing his voice comforted me yet angered me. He was more confident in himself, I was lost again and now I know what anger really feels like. I put the phone down. And I sit on the black couch, think of who this Sarah must be to him. A wife or a friend? We're grown men now, not the naive boys we once were.

He and I weren't the same, I grow colder and colder just to stay sane. Just to remember when he was mine, I close myself off just as I needed to do.

I wouldn't let him leave me so quick, I won't lose to his game of house. I fucking hate how it came this way, he knew what would happen to me. And I grit my teeth to know this rage, this beast he created. I won't let him go just as I struggle to think again.

Lies. I lied to the truth. He knew. I never felt so angry in my life, so lost while he's happy like a delusional fuck.

I see now how it goes. So I grab my leather jacket, grab my keys to go find this fucking idiot who kicked my heart like the bastard he was. A good looking bastard. I hate him so fucking much now that I'm home.

Fuck him.


End file.
